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BBC Accuses Vatican of Calling Balls Round
The Square Balls
Not Quite a Circular Argument
The
BBC, reporting on Wednesday, 14 April 2010 — and against
all convincing evidence that it was reporting from the planet
Earth — declared in shock, dismay, and astonishment that:
"The Vatican's handling of child abuse allegations has been
called into question, following a senior cardinal's
suggestion of a link between homosexuality and paedophilia."
(http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8621197.stm)
Sometimes, well, ... it literally takes balls to tell the
truth
This outrageous suggestion followed an equally astonishing
allegation, made by the same Cardinal, and on that very same
day, no less, than there is strong evidence suggesting that
balls do not in fact have four equal sides at four
equal angles — as many have now chosen to believe. In fact, he
further ventured, such a description appears to precisely coincide with the
geometric definition of the quadrilateral polygon at one time called
a square. It had traditionally been believed that balls and
circles are different from squares and rhombuses inasmuch as
they define an enclosed shape equidistant
in all radii from a common center.
In addition to the ludicrous allegations that priests who
sexually abuse boys rather than girls are homosexuals,
several Vatican officials further alienated themselves from the
world of fiction by suggesting that the apparent widespread
occurrence of four-sided polygons in America and Europe have,
indeed, a very close relationship with rectangles. These
suggestions infuriated the homosexual communities in America,
Europe and elsewhere which responded by flatly denying as
"absurd" any putative connection between homosexuals and older
males who have sexual relations with younger males, calling
Wikipedia's Definition
of Homosexuality: as "a romantic or sexual
attraction or behavior among members of the same sex"(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality),
a slap in the face to the Gay Community.
"We
are outraged that the Catholic Church should implicate
homosexuals with this rampant state of affairs in which some
priests of the male persuasion seek to have sex
with underage people also of the male persuasion.
There is no connection whatever, as any enlightened individual
of any persuasion or species would immediately tell you", said
Mr. Sheila Youngblood of AMBLA (American Man/Boy Love
Association ), sipping a glass of pink lemonade, and dribbling a
box after a vigorous round of basketball, exasperated that he
had been unable to get the rubber box through the round hoop
despite repeated efforts. "I'm better at golf", he wryly
admitted, in an aside, "especially with a handicap of boxes
smaller than the large holes."
Talk about Balls
Asked about the equally outrageous statement that Vatican
officials made in suggesting that the link between homosexuality
and pedophilia is somehow akin to the relationship between
roundness and balls, Sheila replied, "It's Galileo all over
again. The Church meddling in things it knows nothing about! Men
who have sex with young males, rather than females,
are not homosexuals! They are just men who have
sex with young males rather than females! What don't they
understand?" he asked incredulously.
Vatican officials have recently come under heavy criticism after
publicly responding to the accusations they made that there is a
close connection between things that appear to be balls and
things that are circles. Gay Community Organizers dismissed this
as, "Still clinging to antiquated concepts." "Look, I mean,
these are the people who still talk about sin and the devil ...
I mean, really!", Queernation Spokespecies, Miss Ogynyc ,
retorted dismissively.
Further Woes
The BBC also noted that, "On Good Friday, Fr Raniero Cantalamessa, preaching in St
Peter's Basilica, sparked tensions with Jews by quoting a
letter from a Jewish friend that suggested a comparison between
the attacks against Pope Benedict with anti-Semitic attacks on
Jews."
In response, Mr. Wanda Wutzmygenda, Jewish author of "The Gay Guide to
Geometry and Other Absurdities" angrily stated that, "This is no more
virulently anti-Catholic than the Nazis were virulently anti-Semitic. You might as well say that
the shortest distance between two points is a line!"
If
it looks like a ball ...
When asked for his reasoning behind the allegation that
priest-pedophiles are homosexuals— that is to
say, men who wish to have sex with other men, seek to have sex
with other men, and in fact have sex with other men ... or
boys ... the Cardinal's response was decidedly speculative:
"If
it looks like a ball, if it bounces like a ball, and if it rolls
like a ball ... it is probably a ball." he replied. "And if a
man desires to have sex with other men and boys, makes
arrangements to have sex with other men and boys, and has sex
with other men and boys ... he is probably a homosexual."
The Vatican
in the meanwhile is preparing a handbook that deals with the
allegations that priest offenders in the abuse scandals which
involve sex between older males and underage males
is an issue about homosexuality and depravity, as well as similar
allegations that balls are in some way related to circles.
We
will continue to report on this queer story as it emerges.
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