Not
quite a Circular Argument: Homosexuality, Pedophilia, and the Logic
of the Vatican
BBC
Accuses Vatican of Calling Balls Round
The Square Balls
Not
Quite a Circular Argument
The
BBC, reporting on Wednesday, 14 April 2010 — and against
all convincing evidence that it was reporting from the planet Earth
— declared in shock, dismay, and astonishment that:
"The Vatican's
handling of child abuse allegations has been called into question,
following a senior cardinal's suggestion of a link between homosexuality
and paedophilia." (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8621197.stm)
Sometimes,
well, ... it literally takes balls to tell the truth
This outrageous
suggestion followed an equally astonishing allegation, made by the same
Cardinal, and on that very same day, no less, than there is strong evidence
suggesting that balls do not in fact have four equal sides
at four equal angles — as many have now chosen to believe. In fact,
he further ventured, such a description appears to precisely coincide
with the geometric definition of the quadrilateral polygon at one time
called a square. It had traditionally been believed that
balls and circles are different from squares and rhombuses inasmuch
as they define an enclosed shape equidistant in all radii from a common
center.
In addition
to the ludicrous allegations that priests who sexually abuse boys
rather than girls are homosexuals, several Vatican officials further
alienated themselves from the world of fiction by suggesting that the
apparent widespread occurrence of four-sided polygons in America and
Europe have, indeed, a very close relationship with rectangles. These
suggestions infuriated the homosexual communities in America, Europe
and elsewhere which responded by flatly denying as "absurd" any putative
connection between homosexuals and older males who have sexual relations
with younger males, calling Wikipedia's Definition of Homosexuality:
as "a romantic or sexual attraction or behavior among members of
the same sex"(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality),
a slap in the face to the Gay Community.
"We are
outraged that the Catholic Church should implicate homosexuals with
this rampant state of affairs in which some priests of the male
persuasion seek to have sex with underage people also
of the male persuasion. There is no connection whatever, as
any enlightened individual of any persuasion or species would immediately
tell you", said Mr. Sheila Youngblood of AMBLA (American Man/Boy Love
Association ), sipping a glass of pink lemonade, and dribbling a box
after a vigorous round of basketball, exasperated that he had been unable
to get the rubber box through the round hoop despite repeated efforts.
"I'm better at golf", he wryly admitted, in an aside, "especially with
a handicap of boxes smaller than the large holes."
Talk about
Balls
Asked about
the equally outrageous statement that Vatican officials made in suggesting
that the link between homosexuality and pedophilia is somehow akin to
the relationship between roundness and balls, Sheila replied, "It's
Galileo all over again. The Church meddling in things it knows nothing
about! Men who have sex with young males, rather than females,
are not homosexuals! They are just men who have sex with
young males rather than females! What don't they understand?"
he asked incredulously.
Vatican officials have recently come under heavy criticism after publicly
responding to the accusations they made that there is a close connection
between things that appear to be balls and things that are circles.
Gay Community Organizers dismissed this as, "Still clinging to antiquated
concepts." "Look, I mean, these are the people who still talk about
sin and the devil ... I mean, really!", Queernation Spokespecies, Miss
Ogynyc , retorted dismissively.
Further
Woes
The BBC
also noted that, "On Good Friday, Fr Raniero Cantalamessa, preaching
in St Peter's Basilica, sparked tensions with Jews by quoting a letter
from a Jewish friend that suggested a comparison between the attacks
against Pope Benedict with anti-Semitic attacks on Jews."
In response,
Mr. Wanda Wutzmygenda, Jewish author of "The Gay Guide to Geometry and
Other Absurdities" angrily stated that, "This is no more virulently
anti-Catholic than the Nazis were virulently anti-Semitic. You might
as well say that the shortest distance between two points is a line!"
If it
looks like a ball ...
When asked
for his reasoning behind the allegation that priest-pedophiles are
homosexuals— that is to say, men who wish to have sex
with other men, seek to have sex with other men, and in fact have sex
with other men ... or boys ... the Cardinal's response was decidedly
speculative:
"If it
looks like a ball, if it bounces like a ball, and if it rolls like a
ball ... it is probably a ball." he replied. "And if a man desires to
have sex with other men and boys, makes arrangements to have sex with
other men and boys, and has sex with other men and boys ... he is probably
a homosexual."
The Vatican
in the meanwhile is preparing a handbook that deals with the allegations
that priest offenders in the abuse scandals which involve sex between
older males and underage males is an issue about homosexuality
and depravity, as well as similar allegations that balls are in
some way related to circles.
We will
continue to report on this queer story as it emerges.
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